It's time...

...for a rant. For sure. I'm just slightly irked and I need to get this out of my system before I can head off to bed.

My "boyfriend"--we will call him V--and I have a very complicated relationship. Things were so great in the beginning. Now, I don't think either of us has the slightest clue what's been making things shitty. Well, because of the fact that neither of us could deal with any more drama, I decided to stop constantly acting out at him because of my anger towards him and his complete and utter disregard for my feelings. He went out to sea (he's a sailor in the U.S. Navy) all week and came back today. I thought everything was fine and perfect and wonderful, ect.

Life decided to throw me a curve ball in the midst of my new beginning and fabulous new outlook.

V decides to tell me today that he might be marrying another girl by September.

Whoa whoa whoa....wait a minute...slam on the brakes.......what the hell did he just say?

This 'other' girl has been a longtime friend of his, his first crush, ect., andddd she is also an illegal immigrant. Who was secretly married, but her partner decided to have a real marriage because he fell in love. So because of this divorce, her immigration case has been frozen. She may be kicked out of the country.

So my so so awesome boyfriend fucking volunteers to marry her if worse comes to worse.

I really still can't fathom this entire situation. I feel completely tossed aside like a piece of trash. This girl that he's loved for years suddenly needs someone to marry her, OF COURSE he's going to jump at the opportunity. I had a bad feeling about her ever since he first told me about her. The way he talks about her so lovingly....

Whatever. Things are rough, tough, and complicated. The only conclusion that I can come up with is that if I love him, then I will have to support his decisions because he thinks that the decisions are the right ones. And if he loves me, then how the hell could he ever tell another girl that he would marry her?

I am lost, confused, sad, angry, torn....so many things. I just..don't understand why shitty things keep happening in this relationship. He wants me to go home with him for Christmas, but I don't see how I could do that if he's married to a girl living in the same town. I would feel so weird.

So what's the deal? Do I move on because of how low he just made me feel? Or do I support him? He said if he lost everything, he wouldn't regret marrying her. Does that include losing me?

<3
XD.