Some things will never change

So much has been going on lately in my life that I wouldn't know where to begin, even if I tried to. I've been having a lot of problems with boys lately, although I'm guessing boys are nothing but problems anyway. I'm going to tell you how last night went...

I had a little misunderstanding with my BFF CB about who knows what. He was a little drunk and I took something he said a little more serious than I should have I guess, which resulted in a very awkward conversation about the judgment of my character. I haven't lied to him at all. I was drinking slightly and I was offended by the comment he made, "its surprising that the truth comes out after someones had a little alcohol in them."

Now, yes, I know I drink, and I know I drink often. But I've been getting a lot of comments this like "Dahlia drinking?? Nooo!!!", and "Dahlia's drunk? She's always drunk!", and friends of my friends are actually worrying about me being a bad influence and to stay safe.

I think about these things and feel slightly offended although they are true, and yet, I still find myself in the booze aisle grabbing bottles of whatever drink I feel like making for that night. I've been spending around $60 a week on booze, not including the bars I've been going to. Sign of a problem? No, I really don't think so. It just feels so good when it hits my lips. By the way, oatmeal cookies tonight.

Moving on. After the misunderstanding with my friend, an OLD ex-friend started to message me to talk. Now, there is a high school rivalry going on there, and there are actually sides. I've picked my side which doesn't allow me to talk to this man who hurt me over and over and over, while I sat back and watched it happen. Everyone talks shit about him all the time, but I know he doesn't deserve it always. I really do think I know him better than anyone else and I hate hearing it. But I can't allow myself to talk to him because I know he's just going to hurt me more. So message exchange went on for a couple hours and finally I told him that I just can't talk to him. Done.

V calls me at almost 3 in the morning (I was just about to call him before I went to bed) and starts screaming at me. THIS was the LAST thing I expected. I really had no idea what I did to make him mad. Apparently he knew I was in distress while talking to the previously mentioned ex-friend, and I apparently ignored his requests to talk for a minute. I was super busy and I really could not talk. SO this argument went on for over 2 hours because I still couldn't figure out the part where he was mad enough to yell at me. I'm still a little confused. Whatever. He hung up on me, and I went to sleep. I don't plan on talking to him today either because I'm really not putting up with bullshit and he can take the time to figure out that I caused NO drama and he really overreacted in this situation.

I don't know. I don't even know if I still have a job. I just...hate this feeling. I'm beginning to wonder if I should just quit everything, take the semester off and work. Just try to save up some money so I buy a car. And then look for an internship in New York in the spring semester. I wish I had a magic 8 ball or a fortune teller that could read my future. CB and I made plans to move in with each other in the next 5-6 months, which means I have a lot of shit to figure out before then.

I'm going to go watch gossip girl.

XOXO
XD.