that my track record has caught up to me. The current e-boy that I'm dating, who constantly tells me how much he loves me, was having second thoughts about the "us" situation yesterday.
Can I tell you how shitty that made me feel? If you don't know me, then by track record I mean that I haven't been single since I was 16. I go from one guy to the next to the next. There's been five guys now. Most of which I already knew I didn't have a long term future with. Basically, my BF(?), CB, right now feels as though he's just another one of those guys. And he doesn't feel like he can trust me. I never did anything that would make him NOT trust me, so I don't understand why he feels this way. Is it me, or is it just him? He has a lot of trust issues with everyone, but he said my actions make him feel this way. He thinks I'm some hardcore partyer, and I'm really not. I don't even like partying, honestly. He wants to settle down and just spend nights hanging out, which is exactly what I love doing most. I just don't know what I have to do to make him believe me and it sucks. I feel like he's wanting to give up on us because we really even began. I mean, before we really get into things I want to make sure he knows me and he has to know what I want. I'm not really a complex person. I like things simple. No drama and no bull shit.
Sitting here typing this, now I'm having second thoughts. I REALLY don't want to lose him. I don't ever want him out of my life. And maybe based on my track record, I should just be friends with him. I mean, I REALLY don't want to lose him. He's the one person that I would literally do anything for. I just can't believe we're in this situation right now. Maybe we went too fast. Maybe we should go slower, spend some more time apart. I don't know. I was planning the rest of my life with him in it, and now.. I just don't know anymore.
Maybe not knowing is half of the fun?
Peace.Love.XD.
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