It's been so long...

since I last blogged about anything. I usually only blog when there's something I am stressed out about, which hasn't really been the case lately.

I don't even know where to begin. First of all, I cannot even believe how fast time is flying. In less than 2 months, if my internship is complete, I'll be getting my degree. Ahh I'm so excited for that. I really want to be done with everything school related. This also means I have to join the real world. REAL soon. I have been thinking about getting a job so I can purchase a car. So Starting tomorrow I'm going to start looking around. I really wish I wouldn't have spent all my savings. I needed the money to pay for books and tuition, but I really wish I still had it for a down payment for a car.

Life is...life. I can't figure out my emotions but I think I've been down because of the change in weather. It's getting really cold out and for some reason it makes me sad. The Halloween time kinda makes me feel freaky. LOL. I don't know how that's supposed to sound. Oh well.

I've still been spending quite a bit of time with CB. He really is so wonderful and I really do love him so much. He has always, since the time I met him, been special to me in a way that no one has ever been. I've been able to help him, as he has been able to help me. I feel like I've grown so much. I've been able to find out so much about myself within the last year. I don't know if I could ever tell him how much he has done for me, how happy he makes me and how much I love him. I want him in my life, and that's all there is to it. I just want to hear his voice. I want to be held by him. I have never even met him in person, but this is really how I feel.

On that note, there's a part of me that doesn't feel good enough for him. I have such a low self-esteem that I don't feel good enough for anyone, really. Could be in part due to the years being a relationship where I was constantly told to change myself. I'm just me, and that's all I really have to offer. I am in no way perfect, as much as I want to be. There's so much I want to change about myself (but I can't exactly afford it). If I think he's worth it, which he is, then I want to feel perfect for him. Easier said than done. I'm afraid that if we do meet, he won't find me as beautiful as he does now. This is my hesistance. The only thing holding me back from wanting to be in his arms right now. I have so much work to do.

Well, anyways, I would like to move out to the east coast next year. I don't know how much I'll love NYC, but I at least want to experience it before I pass it up. I'm ready to leave Michigan. The state is dead. There's no jobs here. I don't know how the economy got so bad. It's just terrible here and more plants are closing down every week. It's depressing. Time to move on. I want to DO something with my life. I want to be able to live comfortably and pay my bills (phone, car, rent, school loans).

Alright, so much going on. I have so much stuff to do. I have to finish my internship. Buy a car. Figure out my life. Ya know, the usual.

Have a great week.

xoxo
Peace.Love.XD.